No one , not even granny is safe from a head kick once in awhile . Don't like the potatoes ?
boom right in the freakin head .
the head kick is rated 2 behind the deadly throat punch .
JERK CITY - PROUD SUPPORTER OF PAN AM GAMES AND ROBERT PATTISON AND ROBOCOP !!!
Friday, September 30, 2005
Head Kicks
No one , not even granny is safe from a head kick once in awhile . Don't like the potatoes ?
boom right in the freakin head .
the head kick is rated 2 behind the deadly throat punch .
This Editor's a Jerk
Thumbs up to the tosser of an editor who's just made black folks in Collingwood feel more at home in the 21st century. The above taken from today's paper. Ya just couldn't adjust the kerning a bit to fit in two more letters, could ya?
Great Film Jerks
Bill Paxton plays Chet, who is a fine example of a jerk in a film. Remember him from the John Hughes film "Weird Science". He's had such classic lines as: " You two donkey dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue..."
The Spoiler
Ps. Kelly LeBrock was sooo freakin' hot in this movie. Another great movie for a 12 year old!
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
A Jerkin' Lullabye - For Weenies
Dick "Two Ton" Baker ("The Music Maker") - I'm a Little WeenieThis 10-inch promotional album of selections from children's records on the Imperial label featured two different versions of this song, surely one of the most Freudian children's songs ever to hit the market. This is the better version of the two because the vocalist captures the sadness of the unwanted wiener.
- Perry Amberson
TT-2:48 / 1.9MB / 96kbps 44.1khz (MONO)
Jef Stevens writes:"I'm a little weenie" was performed by Dick "Two Ton" Baker ("The Music Maker") who was also well-known in the Chicago area as a Pirate kiddie show host and disc jockey in the 50's. He was also famous for his songs "I'm A Lonely Little Petunia (In An Onion Patch," "In Heaven There is no Beer," "I Like Stinky Cheese," "What the Engine Done," and "Civilization." He also made television commercials yelling "Laugh your troubles away at Chicago's Riverview Amusement Park". How they got him in to (or out of) the Wild Mouse (mini-roller coaster), is anyone's guess.
CHECK OUT DICK'S WEENIE.
you'll be glad you did.
(scroll down. waaaay down.)
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
These guys are jerks too!
Here's to you Blog Laver for finding this great link to a radio program by Stephen Moffat and Ricky Gervais, cocreators of The Office!
Monday, September 26, 2005
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Friday, September 23, 2005
Hello dummy.
My hat's off to Spoiler for presenting an endless barage of historic jerks to us ad nauseum, but he's really dropped the ball by not mentioning this jerk at least once.Rickles is the all time king of jerks!!
Look at you, you baby gorilla.
Sean Penn is a great JERK!
Sean Penn plays a wicked Jerk in the Brian DePalma 1993 film "Carlito's Way". He played Carlito Brigante cocaine-addled attorney. He was robbed for best supporting jerk at the Oscars.
That perm makes him an instant jerk.
The Spoiler.
YOU OUTTA KNOW (is back)
In an attempt to revive Jerk city, I, Forehead Horn, have brought back everyone's favourite segment..."YOU OUTTA KNOW"...interesting shit based on pure fact yadda yadda yadda.
YOU OUTTA KNOW that playing too much Atari can give you ball cancer! It's a fact!!! In 1982 a young kid named Jonathon Brian played "Pitfall" with that massive blocky radio-active Atari joystick sitting in his balls region for 7 days straight. His mom warned him that it might not be good for his balls, but he was determined to get past the part when you jump on the alligators head (he could have just gone under ground and hopped over a scorpion, but anyhow). A month later...balls cancer. 8 years later upon asking how Jonathon was doing, my brother told me that he made up that story to get me off the Atari. It's a fact that...
YOU OUTTA KNOW!
Where are you dinks???
Slow blog day. Where art thou, jerks?
The BEST female comedian has got to be Sarah Silverman.
Forehead sent me this link yesterday. It's awesome.
http://2005.sxsw.com/video/movie_window.big.php?dir=2005_trailers&id=469&speed=hi
And after you've wiped up, you filthy monkeys, check this out too:
http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/35352/details/
Later goofs!
what has become of this blog ?
and i thought you jerks were serious about bloggin about some stuff , posting funny links and zinging each other and the like . where is the respect and the dedication to this blog ? this is the only source of enetertainment i have while i am supposed to be doing stuff at work . where are the funny drawings , the photoshop faces on other peoples bodies , the YOU OUGHTA KNOW segments ?
all we have now is some sassy young upstart that clean his ass yet running the show
showing you guys up
vive la messy wiper !
this blog is starting to suck the rat sack
Thursday, September 22, 2005
The Messy Wiper issue...
Forehead Horn here...There has been a lot of commotion around Jerk City lately regarding one..."Messy Wiper". Based on numerous factors and evidence I have compiled, I have come to the conclusion that he/she looks identical to the picture displayed above. Anyhow...things haven't been the same in ol' shits ville lately and I'm not quite sure what to make of this character. If we let him/her in, we could be opening a pandora's box for all we know...like in Hellraiser. Then we're all fucked. But one thing I do know is, Never before have I heard two words that deserved to be beside each other more than "ass sack". Upon asking my colleagues their opinions on the issue, I have decided that the best thing to do is to take a vote. So...If you are a member of Jerk City and you want Messy Wiper IN, please comment with "ass sack" if you DON'T want Messy Wiper in, comment with "ass crack".
The poles are now open. I spray orange fluid from my horn "spppraaaaaaaayyyyyy" upon you.
The BEST two Jerks!
Remember these two jerks...Tweety and Viking Lofgren from the wicked 1983 movie BAD BOYS with the young Sean Penn.
Their jerkiness should be noted along side with ours.
The Spoiler.
Ps. The guy who played Viking (the white goof) plays Mr. Crabs on Spongebob. See, you jerks can become something too.
This is Porchy's church..
Go pray in your church you fool.
Pray to the gods of futility and spend your money on garbage, ha ha ha.
I'M BACK ZERO'S !
Yes that's right I'm back !
Have you missed your little
Azmo ? I thnik you did. I
really do.
Anyway, I will be here for
today than I will be gone
until Oct 4th.
Such is the life of the master
of the universe.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Ahhh Jerk City! Home Sweet Home!
Forehead Horn here...just got back from a business meeting in goof city. Anything exciting happen while I was gone?
AAAAAAAAAARRGH!
Best use of trained animals.
In the film "All Dogs Go to Heaven"
the life-action version ... of course!
Best impersonation of a monkey!
Buster Keaton does the best, and I mean the BEST, impersonation of a monkey in a short called "the Playhouse". You can find it on "the General" DVD as a bonus put out by KinoVideo.
The Spoiler.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Just Like Mom!
Forehead Horn here. As a citizen of Jerk City, I'm always looking for fun ways of getting to know my fellow Jerks a little better. So! I've added a new segment entitled "Just Like Mom" where we pay tribute to the loving mother's of us Jerks. Here's mine! I love my Jerk friends, so let's see YOUR mothers! I bet you that mine is a hundred fucking times better.I shoot magic sprinkles upon you!
True Identity
Actually I'm a german-russian lady.
My name is Katja Koksov.
I was a member of the former
east-german olympic swimming team.
Monday, September 19, 2005
The REAL Azmodiar!
This is for your little photoshop fun you had these past weeks...
Don't screw with me...
I have high school pictures of that fat head of yours.
The Spoiler.
Best use of no CGI
The best use of no CGI is in the movie Buffalo 66. The part where our hero GALLO goes into the stripjoint and kills the Buffalo Bills placekicker.
You've been schooled...
The Spoiler
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