How could we forget ?

Seeing Fred Willard reminds me of an SCTV episode when Guy Cabellero was forging checks in his name. Ha ha ha.. Incredible !
SCTV had the biggest cast of jerks ever assembled. I learned all there is to know about being a jerk by watching that program. For those of you that have never seen this show please do yourself a favour and rent some episodes. It explains allot.
Look at Bittmen ! ha ha ha.... "HOW ARE YA !?!"

Jerk city forever !

Hilarious jerk!

I found an amazing Jerk on Film!

As jerky as Fred Willard is in Best in Show, I think he's infinitely worse (better?) in A Mighty Wind as former child star Mike Lafontaine.

Hearing him use his completely forgotten catchphrases like "I got a weal wed wagon!" and "I can't do my wowk" make my skin crawl, but nothing beats "HEY WHA' HAPPONED?!!!".

Hilarious and incredibly annoying at the same time.

They's pitchin', anybody catchin' ?

Let it be known that a special envoy from our hamlet of Jerk City has been dispatched on a diplomatic mission to the Armpit of America, The City of Arses, in an attempt to make them laugh so hard they shit a little bit.

GOOD LUCK JERKS! VIVA JERK CITY!

Happy Halloweens !!!!!!!!

This was the scarest movie I even seen when I was a kid. It's about a man from Plant X. PLANT X !!!!!!! Boooo Boooo Boooo !!!!

Monsters, monsters, eve'where...

Dude, they are totally out there.

BOO!

"DARLING, you can't RAPE a TOWNIE..."

These and a million other gems are why Margot Kidder (in pic, on the right) as 'Barbara' is a complete jerk in the lost great horror flick 'Black Christmas' (1974). Not only that, but as a true method actor, she was completely soused for most of the eight month shoot. If you rent the DVD, the director will tell you that for her famous 'premature ejaculation monologue' she had practiced by drinking for four hours ahead of time. Atta girl.

They reran it on cable last night, but I stopped watching it cause 'Iron Maiden: Rock in Rio' was on and that was waaay more fun. What looked like a million Brazilians sang along word for word, turning into a GIANT METAL KAREOKE!! They even drowned out Bruce 'Bruce' Dickenson! They even sang to the guitar solos! To top it off, someone threw a human skull onstage; to which Bruce said "Holy SHIT! I think this is a real one!" and he dropped it.

HAPPY HALLOWE"EN YOU JERKS!

USA ! USA ! USA ! USA !

A gianormus American Turd ! ha ha ha

Markie's Party was lots of FUN !!!

We got all dressed up and ate lots of cakes..
Happy Birthday Markie! Thanks for having us party with you!!! Weeeeee weeeee

Holy F it worked !!

Well anyway here it is. The luster is gone.. F..in gone.

This is supposed to be...

A picture of a monkey bitting a guy. I tried all day to post it and nothing... This blog has gone to shits....

hope your birthday is BANGIN !

happy birthday horny horse

HAAAPPY Birthday and sweet HallooOOWwweeeen

Ztay away from the CANDY, my preziouszz...grrrrr

Thanks!!!

¡Felíz cumpleaños!

I'll take a swing at you myself buddy!

Uni, Your parents are sooo proud!

Party Tricks for Forehead Horn!

Woah! Don't get tipsy! You'll SLIPSY!!

Happy Birthday Uni!

Us guys got you something for your B-Day!

Be careful...horns and balloons don't mix...

Enjoy!

Teddy Jerk

all is forgiven as in times of old we are still chums my pepperoni pal
you can tug on my teddy anytime

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY !!!!!!!!

Birthday wishes just for you.
Birthday wishes lots to do.
Birthday wishes don't delay.
Birthday wishes lots of play.
Birthday wishes not F.U.
Birthday wishes and there all for you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !

THAT'S IT !

So now it's my fault that the fuck who created this blog is suddenly too much of a big shot to keep it going ? Please Monkeynuts! Please !
Take it up with him you jerk !

Dead

Sorry to infrom you , that your friggn BLOG seems to be dead

don't cry for me Azmodiar

SLow Blog Day..

I guess everybody is busy and I'm not. Later and remember who you are at all times. Bye everybody.

Genius or Jerk .

Last night I watched a documentary on Dr Kinsey. This guy experimented with every kinda sex in the 40's and 50's and got paid for it. He interviewed thousands of people on there sexual habits, had tons of group sex, filmed sex. etc. etc. Kinsey S and F'd everything , called it science and the Rockefeller's flipped the bill. Nice!
Well there's no happy ending I'm afraid. The Rockefeller foundation finally realized that this guy was scamming them so they pulled his funding.
Kinsey became depressed and got more and more into S&M. The broken old man died of a heart attack at 67.

Genius or Jerk ? What say you ?

Dare to Dream !

I had the most fantastic dream last night so I wanted to share it with my friends on this blog. I dreamt that I was a handsome prince and I had to service a whole bevy of eligible young ladies.
I woke up just as I was about to embark on my noble task.
I cried in my pillow for an hour.
I cried like a baby with diaper rash.

Coke with Mentos is...

AWESOME!

Treasure of the Louvre...

I saw this master stroke in France last month. Some frenchie named Deschamps painted it in the 17 hundreds. Ahead of his time I think..
Look at that guy paint.. ha ha ha... A true artisan !

Sizzle-Chest Of The MILLENIUM

Here's another of my favorite childhood books.

It was a cut out activity book and lots of fun. I really hated that Talyor figure though cause his head was too big and he keept falling down. Stupid human !!

Ha ha....

You outta know...

I did some research on this Kimmberly parade shit and found out that YOU were the Bavarian Newspaper Douche for 2005 my dear Happy Hanzzzzz...

Fuckin liar !

BLOGGED !!!!!!! ha ha ha...

The Missing Dink...

This was one of my favorite, scary books from when I was a kid. This really ugly Lab assistant witnesses the killing of her missing link primate lover but no one believes her. Than the evil murderer guy tries and kill her too with a big needle. I can't remember what happens but I think she gets saved by a bunch of lab monkeys and there science friendly human handler.

Action packed !

Missing Link

Fellow Homos,
It wasn't that long time ago
we were living in caves made of sto'

Moral was not existing
Killing, Cursing, Fisting

Today we're less hairy, we mastered fire.
Our bodies dressed up with morality:
Reminding us to control freakish desire

Please you modern apes you tell me:

Are we homos that different today
from the Neanderthals of yesterday?

You Oughtta Know...

That in the fair city of Kimberley, BC, a Bavarian-themed hamlet, there is a lady whom for the last FIFTY years has seen it fit to make a skimpy outfit out of old newspapers and parade around the town yearly.

If she were fifty years younger, and I weren't successfully married, I'd be all over that lady's lovely lady lumps. So eccentric it's verging on H-O-T. You know she'd be a blast at a paaaar-tay.

Some Guys get all the breaks

...and fuck the chicks, too!

KILL ME... NOW!!

would someone please tell me how this fucking cunt even gets the satisfaction of having his stupid CUNTING FACE PHOTOGRAPHED??!!!!!! FUCK!!!!! shoot me now, because this stupid fucking fuck-faced STINKING TWAT is taking up valuable air that the rest of us could be FUCKING BREATHING!!!!!

FUCK YOU, FUZZ-LIPPED FUCK!!!!!!!!!

U-turn is chock full of jerks!

Sorry spoiler for dipping in on your territory, but I can't help myself.

It may not be a particularly great movie but "U-turn" has some incredible jerks in it. Actually, every single character is pretty much a complete asshole including the protagonist, "Bobby Cooper" played by Sean Penn. Penn is the master of acting totally and utterly frustrated and fucked. My fav though is Joaquin Phoenix who plays tough guy, "Toby N. Tucker a.k.a. TNT". AMAZING! He has "TNT" shaved right into the back of his head.

Take a look at the rest if the jerky cast. It doesn't get much jerkier than this...

Nick Nolte
Powers Boothe
Billy Bob Thornton
Jon Voight

And even Jennifer Lopez and Claire Daines play jerk girls.

I had no idea..

Did you know that Roja's dad was on JAC COUSTEAU's research team ? I found this picture of him working hard on the Calipso.. Unbeleivable !

Cockwalker, I am callin' you out!!!!

Show yourself man!!!

You've got just as many cockamamie half-baked opinions as anyone else here. Show some jerk pride!

BIG RESPECT to:

My Teacher and Mentor (guy in the middle).

Those three brothers look like a rock band.
They run a studio in Berlin where they paint copies
of old masters etc.
Quite successful.
I hope they'll stay around for long.
Their only nutrition is tabacco,
coffee and vodka.

Russians rule!!

Put yer squirrel in the pouch !

hey Ed check this out , it is a whole website for pillow pouches for your fu.ckin squirrel !

get in there buddy !

Jerk or No ?

This is one of the best characters , arrogant as hell in a purple jump suit

What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!

and here is a link to the real dude's website

and another funny site for the lebowskifest

Camel Toads

Funnybooks, you F@cks!

Anybody remember these?

When I was a kid, I was like "Unca Scrooge WHO? Archie WHAT?" because of this junk. I thought it was the tits when I was, like, six. Captain Carrot and his crew are clearly even better than Superman, as they are saving his dumb ass. BUT, they are NOT better than a barbarian, which was correct-a-mundo in my wee eyes. Dems Peaches, folks.

As for 'Spider-Ham', well, dem peaches be rot-ten. Stank even when I was a tater. Tot.

POW!

HERE COMES STUPID!!

WOW!

Popeye "the Jerk" Doyle

Have you ever been to Pokepsie?

Gene Hackman plays a super jerky cop in the masterful 1971 film "The French Connection". Also featuring the first great good-cop bad-cop routine between him and Roy Scheider.

Anyone who wears a pork-pie hat has to be a jerk.

The Spoiler.

Jerk Porchy

When you google up dear Porchy this is what you get , 2 funny guys playing the geetar .
Sweet and innocent like you huh Porchy ? Unless they are singing dirty mexican songs .

Bon Jerk.

all this guy did was drink, fuck, fight and act like a JERK. he was a great man.

Ummmm what's going on here?

So yeah , i saw this snappy little message on the back of a white mini-van , with farm plates in Simcoe Ontario .....................yeah i dont know what is going on here





JerkCity best blog ever

Nervous Norvus!!!

I just discovered this Jerk from listening to some college radio the other day, and holy shit, what a Jerk he is!!! Nervous Norvus from the '50's. I wish I could post music on these Blogs, if so I would post "Ape Call" in which Norvus compares hip 'cats' of today with apes and pterodactyls trying to pick up young chicks, suggesting that "if you wanna be sharp cat...go ape" followed by a tarzan yell.

Another classic is "Transfusion". It's completely fucked. The song is about him driving a car like a maniac and getting into car accidents and needing a blood transfusion, and then the chorus reflects said accident, stating that he's "never never never never gonna speed again". It's generally a really up beat and chipper song, but then every once in a while there is a sound effect of a god awful blood curdling car crash over top of the music. Here are some quotes from the lyrics...

"Slip the blood to me, bud"
"Shoot the juice to me, Bruce"
"Pour the crimson in me, Jimson"
"Pass the claret to me, Baret" (?!??!)
"Pop the fluid in me, Louieeeee"
"Put a gallon in me, Allen"
"Hey Daddy-O make that type 'O'"

"Ol' barnyard drivers are found in two classes; blind crowding hogs, and speeding jack ass's"

I found these songs on "Limewire"...I HIGHLY recommend you jerks download them. You won't be sorry!

For more on Norvus, click here

Vouch for me Porchy!

Jerk City will live forever! Hallelujah!

As creator of Jerk City, I often sit and think of my role in 'The City of dickheads', and I always come to the same conclusion. Like Jesus Christ was the mayor of Bethlehem, I am the Jesus Christ of Jerk City...the JC of JC if you will. I built it's Jerky walls, paved it's streets with Jerky stones, and covered it's roti's in Jerk sauce...and, well, jerked it alot in general. And the Jerk's came and made Jerk City their home. But it pains me to see that there is an imposter in our midst. An anti christ of Jerk City, or 'Azmodi' Christ if you will. But as your jerk lord and saviour, I Forehead Horn, am here to say that...

JERK CITY WILL BE HERE FOREVER! FOREVER!

Please donate to the Forehead Horn foundation for jerky children.